A Parental Vision
By Sarah Hamaker
With four kids between the ages of 6 and 12, I’m often asked
how I do it, which usually means how do I weather the noise, chaos, fighting,
and general melee that comes from having multiple children living under the
same roof. Most people view my typical answer of, “Oh, it’s all good,” with
disbelief, sure that I am hiding my shame at having unruly, sibling-hating
kids.
Don’t get me wrong—my children are perfectly capable of
behaving like little monsters in league with the devil on any given day. They
do strange, weird, outlandish things for no other reason than it popped into
their little brains. I’ve been called by the assistant principal, had to remove
screaming kids from the grocery store, and had to enforce a no-playing rule
with neighbor children because of my child’s bad behavior. My life as a mother
isn’t a Disney movie, that’s for sure.
But—and this is a huge but—nor is my life as a mom something
for which I dread getting up in the mornings. I enjoy my kids. I love my kids. I
laugh with my kids (and sometimes, alone with my husband, at some of the crazy
things they’ve done). I shake my head at their antics. I correct them when they
stray. I leave them to their own devices more than I play with them. I curb
their electronic consumption to the point of near non-existence.
What helps me keep up with the discipline and guidance is
thinking about just what I’m doing. I’m not raising kids—I’m raising adults.
For a child is only a child for a short period of time, but he’s an adult for
the rest of his life. If we as parents thought more about who would our child
be at age 30, I suspect our child rearing would look somewhat differently.
How would you describe your children as full grown adults?
Would you focus on where they went to college or their career choices? Where
they live or what they drive? How you answer that question tells a lot about
your parenting vision for your children.
Most of us would probably describe someone who was kind and
honest, willing to lend a hand to others, compassionate, thoughtful,
responsible, respectful, godly and loving. This list doesn’t talk about
achievements or status symbols that proclaim a person’s “place” in this world.
This list instead drills down to the characteristics of what makes a man or woman
underneath the outer trappings.
If what you really want for your children is for them to
develop good character, then that will change how you raise them. Write down a
short list of characteristics you want each of your children to have as adults
and post it where you can reference it regularly. Think about the list in light
of your parenting decisions today. Make sure the things you encourage your
children to accomplish or spend time on build toward that vision you have for
them as adults. Your parenting decisions about discipline and
consequences—virtually anything related to raising kids—should be framed with
that vision in mind.
A clear vision for your children as adults will make the
hard parenting lessons of today easier to put into place. In other words, taking
the long view of raising kids will help you in the short term. Having a vision
for your kids and keeping that vision in mind as you parent will get you over
both the rough and smooth patches of child-rearing.
Sarah Hamaker Bio
As a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™, Sarah Hamaker
guides parents in identifying, www.parentcoachnova.com, and is a
frequent writer on parenting issues for Crosswalk.com. She’s also one of the
featured parent coaches on www.parentguru.com.
Her book Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving
Your Kids From War to Peace (Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City) is in stores
now.
SUMMARY: Ending Sibling Rivalry
Is your day punctuated by tattling, tears, and testiness
among your children? Does your home resemble a war zone, with fights breaking
out constantly among combative siblings? Do you wonder why your kids can’t get
along? You’re not alone. Sibling rivalry has become one of the most frustrating
problems facing today’s parents.
Yet sibling rivalry is not an inevitable outcome. It is
possible to help your children move from enemies to friends. In Ending Sibling Rivalry, Sarah Hamaker
provides common sense and practical solutions to this familiar problem, guiding
parents through the roots and remedies of sibling rivalry.
Ending Sibling Rivalry
addresses the harmful impact of competition on the sibling relationship,
how to avoid the trap of favoritism and comparison, and how to teach children
conflict resolution. Whether your children are toddlers or teenagers, Ending Sibling Rivalry provides the
blueprint for reducing sibling conflict and building a more loving relationship
between or among your children.
Amazon link: http://ow.ly/CP1LE
Amazon link: http://ow.ly/CP1LE
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