By
Ada Nicholson Brownell
A
crying infant suddenly is grasped by the ankles and hurled against the
wall. A teen-ager kills his parents,
then marches into a school and shoots several students and a teacher. A mother walks out on the most important
thing in her life—her family.
Angry
people are said to be mad. Perhaps
that’s appropriate, because anger sometimes causes people to act insane.
Anger
can consume your happiness, rob your joy, affect your health, end relationships,
mangle your faith and may even lead to murder.
When I
was a child, I’d get so angry with my older brother’s teasing I’d start
swinging at him. I was a scrawny freckled-faced redhead and two years younger,
so no wonder he laughed hysterically as he held me at arm’s length with his
hand on my forehead while I swung into the air.
After
I married and had five children, I grew weary of going to bed feeling guilty
about my angry outbursts that day. I
asked forgiveness from God, my husband and my children. About that time I read Henry Drummond’s book,
“The Greatest Thing in the World.”[1] In his comment on”
love is not easily provoked” (1 Corinthians 13:5), he says, “No form of vice,
not worldliness, not greed of gold, not drunkenness itself, does more to unchristianize
society than evil temper. For
embittering life, for breaking up communities, for destroying the most sacred
relationships, for devastating homes, for withering up men and women, for
taking the bloom of childhood, in short, for sheer gratuitous misery-producing
power this influence stands alone.
Here
are 10 ways to help control inappropriate responses to anger compiled from my
experience, research and an interview with the late Derrald Vaughn, Ph.D., a
psychologist, educator and former pastor:
1. Realize
anger is one of the emotions God gave you and is not a sin in itself.
“We all have anger,” said
Vaughn, “but most of us don’t lose control.”
If you have something to be
upset about, you can communicate it and probably should before the problem gets
worse. Vaughn noted. For instance, this helps spouses with serious problems get
into counseling and usually at least one of them will be helped.
2. Acknowledge
that being hot-blooded, a redhead or someone who needs to vent feelings are not
plausible excuses for out-of-control outbursts.
3. Realize
actions are controlled by the will, so you can decide to control anger’s
behavior. You can stop and pray for help. Sometimes anger should be vented to
God alone. Or you can write a letter and destroy it. You can take anger out by doing housework or
washing the car.
4. Decide
what is important to be angry about.
Don’t bother with spilled milk, scratched furniture, dented cars or
money. With children get upset when they rebel, disobey, lie or break any other
of the Ten Commandments. Get riled when a child does things that will hurt him or
someone else To find appropriate places
for anger, study the Bible and pray for wisdom.
5. Use
anger constructively, but accept what can’t be changed. We must not take
matters into our own hands, however. “Bombing an abortion clinic is
inappropriate use of anger because it breaks the same commandment abortionists
are breaking, Vaughn said. “It is not righteous indignation.”
Anger at Satan’s work should
take us to our knees to intercede for family, friends, neighbors and nations;
cause us to volunteer to teach Christian education, visit the sick, love the
broken, feed the hungry; vote and speak out on moral matters.
6. Humble
yourself and listen to other people.
Much anger is caused by pride—you are always right, you know better than
anyone.
7. Ask
forgiveness from those offended by your angry outbursts.
“Sometimes we use anger
inappropriately because we are rewarded for it temporarily,” Vaughn said.
“However, it doesn’t solve problems in the long run. When we ask forgiveness, that’s punishment
and becomes a deterrent.
8. Forgive
those who cause anger.
9. Avoid
substances that unleash anger and investigate other causes.
Alcohol affects inhibitory
pathways in the brain, sometimes causing angry outbursts, violence and even
murder. Research has found drinking intoxicating beverages is the number one
predictor of physical and sexual abuse.
Grief also could be involved
because anger is a stage of the grieving process for any loss.
10. Cultivate
the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 6:22-23). When you’re filled with love, joy,
peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance,
there’s little room for inappropriate anger.
SIDEBAR: What the Bible Says About Anger
·
“A soft answer turns away wrath; but grievous
words sir up anger” (Proverbs 15:11).
·
“Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak,
slow to wrath;; for the wrath of man
worketh not the righteousness of God (James 1:19,20).
·
“Be ye angry, and sin not; let not the sun go
down upon your wrath. Let all
bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking be put away
from you with all malice, and be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted,
forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you”
(Ephesians 4:26-31-32).
·
“He that ruleth his spirit is better than he
that taketh a city” (Proverbs 16:32).
·
“Anger resteth in the bosom of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7-9).
·
“Provoke not your children to wrath; but bring
them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
·
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and
just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1
John 1:9).
The Pentecostal Evangel April 11,
1999
Reprinted in the
Book, 50 Tough Questions, Gospel Publishing House, Springfield, MO 65802, 2002.
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