Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Heartbreak of Giving Baby Up for Adoption Turns to Heart Healing

ONLY HEAVEN CAN REPAIR—by Christine Lindsay

My journey from being a young woman who gave up her child for adoption—to that of being happily reunited mother with my birthdaughter, and now sharing in my daughter’s joy as she gives birth to her first child—has been a journey of great heights and lows.

The lows...having to relinquish my baby because I knew it was in her best interests, broke my heart in ways that only Heaven can repair.

The heights...thirty-five years after relinquishing Sarah to a closed adoption, I am now looking forward to holding my biological grandson. To add to that joy, Sarah has given me the honor of choosing whatever grandparent name I would like her son to call me. My husband and I will be Nanny-Chris and Papa Dave, so as not to be confused with Sarah’s adoptive mom or her husband’s parents.

But in the middle of my journey, the lows were more prevalent. I had first given Sarah up as an infant in 1979, and we were reunited 20 years later in 1999. But in 2006 I was still struggling with my emotions from the reunion. It didn’t appear that the close relationship I desired with my birthdaughter was going to transpire.

I tried all sorts of things to nurture that relationship—even arranged for Sarah to join my daughter Lana and me on a trip to my homeland, N. Ireland. I thought a trip like that would draw the three of us together.

At first Sarah planned on going. But sadly, just before we were to leave, Sarah lost her baby. This was to be the first of eight miscarriages over the years for Sarah.

Off to Ireland I went with Lana, with Sarah on my mind too. While I wanted that close mother-daughter bond with Sarah, I knew I couldn’t have it because she shared that with her true mom—her adoptive mom. And I was Lana’s true mom. But while Lana and I toured Ireland, I hid my sadness from Lana, that with the loss of her baby Sarah was grieving an empty womb in a similar way that I had done when I relinquished her.

The two losses are hard to compare—like apples and oranges. But the loss of a baby no matter how that happens just plain hurts.

On the trip, Lana and I shared some close times. And on a personal level I felt the Lord’s encouragement when I viewed the Ruth and Naomi stained-glass windows in the ancient church St. Augustine’s in Londonderry. 

While I was praying for a close bond with both my daughters, the Lord reminded me of the tender love between Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi. I had to trust God for that long-held desire for my daughters.

And our tender-hearted heavenly Father has done that for me. As the years passed, Sarah and Lana and I have grown closer. Both my daughters were the models on the front covers of my first two books, Shadowed in Silk and Captured by Moonlight.

But it was the ancient church St. Augustine’s in Londonderry, and the Ruth and Naomi stained glass windows, that were the inspiration behind my romance novella Londonderry Dreaming. Click here to open up the first chapter of Londonderry Dreaming.

As I have been encouraged by the Lord in the highs and lows of my life, I pray that my books will encourage you.

Acclaimed New York artist, Naomi Boyd, and music therapist, Keith Wilson, loved one another five years ago, until her grandfather with his influence over Naomi separated them.

That root of bitterness keeps them apart until a letter from Keith’s grandmother, Ruth, draws Naomi to Londonderry to find she’s too late. Ruth has passed on. After the death of his beloved grandmother, Keith has also come to Londonderry only to open the door to his past…Naomi...beautiful as ever, the girl who broke his heart.

A mysterious painting in Ruth’s attic brings up questions about their grandparents’ entwined past and their own broken romance. But more comfortable with the unspoken languages of art and music, Naomi and Keith find it difficult to share their old hurts and true feelings.

Will the majestic coastline of Northern Ireland inspire them to speak the words to bring peace to their grandparents’ memory and to rekindle love?


Christine Lindsay was born in Ireland, and is proud of the fact that she was once patted on the head by Prince Philip when she was a baby. Her great grandfather, and her grandfather—yes father and son—were both riveters on the building of the Titanic. Tongue in cheek, Christine states that as a family they accept no responsibility for the sinking of that great ship.

It was stories of her ancestors who served in the British Cavalry in Colonial India that inspired her Multi-award-winning historical series Twilight of the British Raj. Book 1 Shadowed in Silk, Book 2 Captured by Moonlight, and Christine is currently writing the final installment of that series called Veiled at Midnight to be released August 2014.

Christine makes her home in British Columbia, on the west coast of Canada with her husband and their grown up family. Her cat Scottie is chief editor on all Christine’s books.


Please drop by Christine’s blog site or follow her on Twitter and be her friend on Pinterest and Facebook